So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
