**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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