How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
