TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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