if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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