Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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