The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
