You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
