Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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