i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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