he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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