he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
