wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's blow job season.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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