wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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