dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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