so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm passing your future prison.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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