I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
