After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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