I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm at about main and main street
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
