Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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