Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
