It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
