what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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