i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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