He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
