I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
