grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
