Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
