How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
