you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
