can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
