watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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