WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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