I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
