So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
