dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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