When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
not ubering you a puppy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
