a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
