Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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