I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
