im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
