I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
