good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
