My friends, they love my intelligence
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
