News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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