You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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