well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
