Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
