i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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