mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
