You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
