Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
