Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
