Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
