i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Found the puke drawer
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
