i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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