There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
