Everything about him screamed your future.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
