I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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