Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
